So I started a semi-paleo lifestyle not too long ago. For at least 5 days out of the week I try my best to stick to paleo approved recipes/meals. I give myself a “leeway” day where if most of my meals are healthy but not necessarily paleo it’s cool. And I give myself a full on cheat day where I get to eat all natural peanut butter, bread even eat out.
When I started this my ONE thing I said was that I was never going to give up birthday cake. I never make cake, I never buy it. The only reason I would ever be around cake is if it was someone’s birthday.
Since this has been going on there have been THREE fucking birthdays and no goddamn cake. I’m beginning to get pissed! @bootcampchamps had her cake with her boyfried - it was homemade awesomeness with a narwhale on top. Fine…they are cute so I let it slide. @embodystyle had a birthday yesterday and I’m sure she had cake but I wasn’t there to have any. AND TODAY it was my boss’ birthday dinner for our office and THEY DIDN’T GET CAKE! They got some weird fucking stupid fruit thing.
WHAT THE FUCKING HELL?!?!?!?!?!?
WHERE IS THE CHOCOLATE? WHERE IS THE CHEESECAKE? THE CARAMEL? THE MOTHER FUCKING SPRINKLES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am so disappointed. I’ve been worked super hard at this. I’ve been craving the hell out of everything lately and finding healthy substitutes for myself but now…I’m having a cupcake this week like you don’t even know.
Before Christmas I started a eating program and fitness whatever. Really I just joined sparkpeople.com. Put in my info and told them that I wanted to lose some weight. In turn they spit out an amount of calories I had to be within for each day and an amount of exercise I had to do each week to make this possible.
And I started - and I was determined and I lost 15 pounds before Christmas. YAY!
Over Christmas I set out to simply maintain what I had lost and not put any of it back on. (Basically because I wasn’t going to give up Christmas dinner and because I was out of town and all over the place I knew I would have a hard time fitting work outs in.) That went well. Then….I got sick, as in super ill and was that was for about 3 weeks in total which was a write off. I had no appetite but I also had no energy and was constantly exhausted because I couldn’t take any time off work.
So now I’m back at it. Kind of. I’ve lost a lot of momentum and I’m finding certain things hard:
1. A lot of the things I eat in order to stay within my 1250 a day calorie limit are cold - and I HATE this. HATE IT! I don’t know why this cold thing matters so much but it really does to me.
I’m eating so much stuff that I just don’t enjoy. And while if I eat regularly that takes away crazy cravings etc I don’t enjoy anything I eat and I tend to think “why am I even doing this?”.
Yesterday I got a salad for lunch - and I sat at my desk and I ate it and it fucking sucked. I hate salad. I hate that its cold and doesn’t have a lot of flavor and that after I’m done I’m not full or satisfied or anything. I just fucking hate salad. (BUT I committed, so I’m eating it. I know I needed some change, so I’m changing. So I’m eating a ton of shit that I don’t like and frown at before I eat it. Like salad gross stupid salad!)
2. I started walking, then turned into couch to 5k which I then put together. I’d do my 20 minute run and then finish it off with a long walk on my original route. I liked this, I felt comfy in it, I would only have to do it twice a week - I got out of my house - great.
Now…it’s too fucking cold to do that shit. The route takes me about an hour and it’s winter. The cold is one thing, you can dress for it. The wind, snow, ice rain, hail, flurries that end up in white outs….you cannot. Plus, I still wear my trainers sometimes there is a layer of ice under what snow we do have which makes it hard to run on.
So….I feel like I’ve hit a wall with this.
I need help. I need ideas. I need new things that work for me. (Meaning not things that would work for anyone, but things that work for me)
I’m particular in the way that I go about this. I need it to be positive in order to keep me interested and into it. I don’t want to feel as though I’m failing or that I suck by doing work outs that are too hard for me or made for marathoners.
It’s not that I don’t want to be pushed, I do but I want to be pushed to a level that may be hard but I can accomplish with some work instead of like - ok do 1000 burpees and then run for 5 hours and then…things that are completely out of my range.
I’m in a funk this week and I feel guilty for not being more into this. Not having more willpower or drive or…whatever but I need to want and like it. I don’t want to HATE this every single day that I do it.
Yesterday I ate great healthy food, nothing was “bad” - but I was hungry and I went over my calories by a couple hundred. Which means I’ll add another work out in this week at some point I guess?
Monday night I tried to make it through my Yoga for the Warrior DVD but because my calves are so tight from walking/running I only made it about half way then stretched them our really well.
Last night I got all bundled up to do my walk/run but I got out and it was all flurry and snow which SUCKS to run in, you can’t see shit, it’s hits you in the face blah - so I didn’t go.
I’M GRUMPY AND WHINY AND I HATE IT!!!!
Seriously, I don’t want to feel like this. I want to love it. I want to be amped to do it everyday. I want to be like YAY, getting to my goal woohoo or I FEEL GREAT!!! Or like - THIS IS FUN! But I don’t….not right now.
I need some new suggestions on how to change it up and get back into it.