I feel so bland and unattractive and all over the place with no real style lately. My hair is so long and stupid I wear it up almost all the time. My bangs needs to be cut so badly.
Thinking of splurging and getting some new clothes.
Thinking of going back to red and taking off some length.
But the opinion that means the most likes it dark and digs the zooey deschanel thing. I get it, I do, she’s beautiful - I can’t carry it like she does though. I feel like I need more punch of I just waste away in the background.
Maybe that’s it though, maybe I’ve been so background lately instead of being myself that it’s bothering me. Maybe this is just how I try to control it?
I’m too in my head lately.
I’m sick lately - not sick sick but sick tired. Tired all the time, all I do is sleep. Back to the doc to see what’s up with blood work. I did have a B12 deficiency previously I’m thinking just more shots. Stupid.
I feel like I’m wasting my summer since I literally have no energy to do anything. Making a promise to myself to enjoy more nice weather and be out every weekend even for a little while. I’m also going to make an effort to actually take lunch breaks and read outside for an hour in the middle of my office day.
I’ve been eating the world lately - for no reason. Or maybe because I feel like there’s a hole in me. Either way that’s to right and I need to be better about my meals - plan them. I also need to get my ass back to the gym.
I also - need to book photo adventures while the weather is still warm. I’m going to book something and go to London like I do every year to see my photo buddies there and talking with a new photographer I met on IG to set something up. I also need to adventure with Katie West and go up to my moms once more.
Things need to happen - I’m almost done with 30 and I feel like….I didn’t do anything profound. Nothing changed, nothing got better. I didn’t grow I didn’t adventure I didn’t live. That makes me sad.